Dreams await you.. out there in the unknown...

Friday, October 19, 2007

It has been a long long week for me.. the first time i ever cried in front of my friends since pri sch... n wat did i cried over? results..... i had tot myself numb to it.. when mdm loh said those words to me last fri.. somewhere in me already noe i will do badly n retain.. n well my feelings prove right.. i got 4 Us... all h2s.. even after moderation which is 8 marks for econs n 3 marks for maths.. hw lousy can i get? but the truth is still hard to face... when i got back my results.. n saw those pathetic marks.. i cldnt contain my tears.. though i tried.. realli tried...wat triggers them is well my friends.. the concern they show when they ask r u ok all those..well i cldnt help my tears ... besides the results are still depressing.. so yea.. i cried.. heng my teacher gif me the warning.. though it has nt been a peaceful weekend for me.. but i feel that if i dunno n lata saw those marks i realli tink i will break down... nv expect them to be so bad.. wat does that shows? i haf been playing the whole yr? nt being serious? n its so ironic.. the subs i studied fer the most - maths n chem, turn out to be well the papers i find most diff...though all my h2s ard the same marks all 20+...

Though it has been an exhausting time.. hmm for once i discover that crying realli makes one very tired.. no doubt i cried more than 1 time.. duh... to be the unlucky soul to haf to retain... seeing all u haf known.. friends u haf made..swiss friends... close friends... odacians.. 23/07ians... all the friends that i noe... getting further n further.. out of ur grasp... its realli painful... for a time.. i was devastated.. yet i cant juz live in self pity.. can i? tis is the consequences... i had made my bed.. n nw i had to lie in it... its nt a matter of choice for me anymore.. i had no rights to them... tis is wat i deserve.. i reap wat i sow.. so true... kz remark that everyone shld be given 1 chance.. but den life is unfair.. n well hw the system works i dunno.. but frm the moment i failed to pass even 1 h2... i had forsaken my chance at a re exam... its reality n i had to learn to accept it.. sometimes there are no second chances in life... reality is hard...

Though i had look at this matter from a diff angle.. had accepted this reality.. perhaps i could see this as a second chance.. for me to work on my foundation... perhaps to build up my character too.. once i had accepted it.. i will grow stronger.. as from an anime... people grows from pain... well that perhaps is a gd thing.. as jac had said perhaps thru this i cld learn to appreciate the things ard me more.. yet i cant help the pain that is growing inside me... i dunno if i haf the strength to cope wif it nxt yr.. for i noe that everytime i see a 23/07ian, odacian, swissian, close friends.. i will feel a pang in my heart.. that is undeniable.. it will be painful... n well.. i feeel that this will be one of my biggest regret in yrs to come... for nw in my 17th yrs... this is e biggest regret that i had.. n no doubt it will stay wif me till the dae i died..

but thx to all the friends out there that had encouraged me thru this time.. i realli appreciate it... n perhaps thru this i may grow more mature =P haha..

to 23/07ians, though in the beginning.. i dun realli like this class.. but nw i realli love u all a lot.. it has been a fun time.. n i had wonderful memories wif the ppl in it.. juz when our class is getting so close... i cldnt continue e journey wif u all.. thats one of the regrets that i will harbour... yet i hope we will still stay as friends.. n perhaps go out together... n i hope against hope that i will still be part of the class.. even if i cld nt stay.. to jac n kz... take my part.. n jiayou for ur re exams... realli put in ur best n get promoted.. i dun wish u all to feel the pain i feel.. lol n jac.. haha dun tok bout suiciding i tell u... i WILL accompany u on the dae the results release juz in case.. though i haf faith in u.. lol u will succeed.. .believe in urself =D n kz.. dun slack sia.. u r damn intelligent la... lol stop wasting ur brains away.. haha n wenjing.. dun tink too much.. try ur best in the nxt yr ba... fer the scholarship thingy.. well chuan dao qiao tou zi ran zhi.. we will do our best to help u de...n shimin, life is full of hope lol dun keep saeing life depressing or get into emo tots.. lol u exist for 1 other ppl in this universe or so sai sae to hikaru.. haha be happy.. n i mean TRULY happy... lol haha dun even noe if u all will see tis.. haha but juz in case n to realli express my feelings ta da.. lol stay united ba =D

to odacians, i realli hope that i cld still stay in odac.. though i retain.. i still wan to continue the journey wif u all, the 24th batch! feel that our relations wif each other are closer also.. n its has been enjoyable.. the fun we had.. the memories we share.. no matter when times are gd or hard.. ranging from trekking in the thunderstorm.. to shopping in the shopping center.. or playing volleyball... catching.. odac blanjar lol dunno hw to spell.. ODAC WEST! haha i dun wish the journey to end here fer me.. nw im praying that mr chin cld manage to let me n yl stay in odac... <3 u always <3

to closefriends, hmm well i dunno wat to sae realli.. words fail me.. aniwae for me onli some of the close friends are close friends.. well nvm i m nt making sense.. but still thx for the encouragement u all gif me.. n well lets go out some of these daes.. n yea.. jiayou nxt yr.. this outcome.. is my fault.. its nt anyone else.. its my actions, my attitude.. that made this outcome.. no one is to blame for my mistake.. dun blame urself.. i do nt wan to see ppl cry becoz of my error.. my actions.. besides.. encouragement is appreciated n thx

well as shaun n i agreed, this heart wrenching pain n disappointment that we felt.. onli those who retained could realli understand.. its sth that cld nt be known till u had undergone it... to me.. i m nw perhaps stuck in a deep deep deep pit... like a frog in the well.. n for every encouragement, concern that my friends gif... its like making a small hole in the wall.. building up an escape route to the top of the pit.. yet it nw leaves me to summon up my courage n strength to climb up these holes, to gif my all to reach for freedom.. to escape this dark dark hell... i shall try my best nxt yr.. at least after i tried my best.. it will be make it or not.. in either cases since i noe that i tried my best no matter wat i will still be content n leaves no regrets.. this shall be my path to freedom.. escaping the clutches of the pit.. haha

well once again thx to all who has encouraged me, mdm jamilah... mdm loh.. teachers.. marion, jolene, jac, wj, 23/07ians... yl, wq... odacians.. ws, jz, hl, sg, mh.. close friends.. n swissians... shaun.. soolin.. gambatte for all of us ba... no matter retain, transfer, or A levels.. jiayou!

i realise that tis is juz a setback.. i will try my best to overcome it... i will be optismistic.. n keep a smile on my face.. i dun wan my friends to be worried for me... no matter wat happens.. life still goes on n the world will nt stop revolving.. though i may nw lag behind.. n a tall wall obstructs my way.. i believe one dae.. i will destroy that wall n see my future ahead of me.. i had already made 2 ppl cried becoz of my actions, becoz of the results i get.. i do nt wish to see my friends cry or worry or be sad for me.. it makes me feel worse.. i noe that i had disappointed a lot of ppl.. i dun wan to see others sad fer me animore.. tis is nt u all de fault.. stop blaming urself that u all shld haf force me or make me study.. i appreciated ur the thoughts n realli am glad to haf u all as good friends.. be happy.. =D

10:26 PM

Shinobi: KatherinePhang

Code Name: Kat

Birthday: 27th July 1990

Email: katherinephang@hotmail.com

Age: 17

Horoscope: Leo

School: Swiss Cottage Secondary, Anderson Junior Collage

CCA: St.John Ambulance Brigade, ODAC - Outdoor Activities Club =D

Likes: Animes, comics, nature, daydreaming, listening to music, sleeping, isolation...

Dislikes: Vegetables, unfair people...

My Wishlist

Naruto Animes

Anime Comics

Portable DVD player

Prince Of tennis animes

Shades of Truth Vcds

Take My Word for it Vcds

New animes

A sling bag

Go out with SJ members on an outing again =D

Compile photo albums for various memories

A pair of roller blades

Hard disk drive

a new mouse

an ipod or psp