Alright! this long day is finally over.. hmm super malu today in class seh.. i shall not elaborate.. sighs... and well, mr azhar question kind of start me thinking of a goal in future.. anything.. but i cant really come up with anything.. sighs.. pathetic right?
I wonder if im cut out to be a designer.. I guess not? all my designs are not designs i guess, too kiddish.. more like art? in primary school.. argg... super super sianz.. and I wonder what should I be in future... What I want to be is like there are little chances of them coming true.. I mean.. see, theres this dream that I had since primary school.. to be a traditional farmer... and well Singapore have land for me to farm? No I guesss, to set up one overseas need lots of money..
Maybe, in future, i could fufil it.. who knows.. but for now, nah.. and yep theres these jobs that I am interested in.. but I guess people will think I am weird.. see, blacksmith sounds good, carpenter too... sculpturer is also not bad, or make pottery? archaeologist seems nice... I wish I could just camp at one mountain top and stay there.. or go and hide myself in the countryside in some unknown country... peace and quiet... instead of the busy polluted city life...
Somehow, it all seems to come down to one word for myself.. pathetic.. no goal in life, no aims, no talents, and that will come down to.. what exactly is my purpose in life? Why am I born in this time at this place.. to do what? I believe each of us have our own destiny, have something that could only be done by the different individuals... if not why are we born with different personalities, at different times, in different places... perhaps to make a difference in another's life? just a little one is also counted i guess.. everyone will sure has spread some semblance of influence to the others... but.. it just seems like I had not found my purpose in life..
It all boils down to one word... depressing... and I wonder how long will this sticks to me... One thing bad about me... Any important event or big event that I screwed up or any sad things will not really stick around long with me... It seems like theres some part of me that will just erase those things off.. people may feel sad for a long long time... yet it seems as if I do not care enough to feel that sad... only perhaps at that moment or a few days hence.... but after that, I just brushed it off.. now.. this seems like I am a cold person.. with not much feeling.. and yep I agree.. thats why I am a loner?
Now all these are starting to lose sense.. I am also getting confused... argg.. nvm.... sighs.. the emo aura is coming back...
1:42 AM