Dreams await you.. out there in the unknown...

Whispers |

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Nakama |

Myself |

Dreams |

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Welcome to my lair....

Monday, November 30, 2009

It takes two hands to clap. Reconnecting proved to be a tedious task as it feels like I am just grasping severed strings. Though I knew it already, some spark in me just could not be extinguished. To be put in a situation where the close connection is gone, simply not there anymore, it seems like there is something missing. I guessed that connection has been gone two years ago, it just takes some time to feel its absence and to stop deceiving myself.

Love involves the whole heart, and I do not believe I would be able to surrender my heart, thats why I could only reach the 'like' level and not the 'love' area. One of the asses pointed out friendship love~, and I countered with like. That is just a different outlook of relationships for different people, perhaps. I am so sleepy, yet I do not feel like going to bed. Been drifting in and out of sleep throughout these two hours.

Sometimes I just feel that there is nobody I could depend on, the connections has become so fragile, it seems like I am the one doing all the things; organising, calling, smsing, it just seems like only I, myself wants it, or perhaps I should say, they just leave it to someone to organise something that they wanted. I guessed, to organise one big scale outing is hard, and with people disconnected since the passing out parade of sjab makes it harder. No one to help, no one to offer, that is just plain sad. I will not be organising any more gatherings, perhaps just a close knit one with seniors and junior. That will be easier.

Exams people, I wonder what I should order, and I am scared I ordered wrongly, so tell me what to do. Of course I do not expect any reply since everyone too busy studying for exams such that I do not feel like disturbing them. LOL thats why I hate bbq at my house, since I have to be responsible lololol. Okay, say that I am lazy, wayy too lazzyyyy haha.

Seriously I am not willing to try again for the first close bond failed me. Though two close bonds are still living but that failed bond makes me unwilling to form any more close attachments (where deep personal feelings are involved) with friends, for each bond is unique and contained different memories depending on the different personalities from the recipient. I should just close myself off from the world sooner or later, to recuperate and start to distance my feelings, make new bonds that will not last, or that I would not need to put in too much effort for it to keep burning. To just make friends that would be good friends, withstanding the test of time.

Anyway, I am just feeling emo these few days, though assignment just finished and YEA! I am super happy, yet emo, could I understand myself? No, not really. I am getting super attached to flash and gb. Zzzz and randomnesss is in the air!

11:01 PM